


Spiralling

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Freeform, Mental Health Issues, POV Second Person, Poetry, Repetition, Wordcount: 100-1.000, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29868288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: “This is the part that you hate the most. The in-between time, the time where nobody is home and you have nothing to do. This is the thing you fear, the thing you dread. Because it feels like nothing you do will ever be enough to satisfy the monster inside your chest, the one that’s clawing at your heart and tearing at your lungs and forcing you tospiralcloser and closer to the edge of insanity.”
Kudos: 1





	Spiralling

You’re lying on your bed. You’re lying on your bed and the world is turning and you’re 

_ spiralling _

and you can’t seem to breathe in, breathe out, slow down your breath the way they want you to, the way you’re supposed to, because you are 

_ spiralling _

out of control. 

Out of control.

Were you ever really in control? 

You readjust your body, finding physical comfort in the emotional chaos. It’s the only thing you can find the energy to do. Outside, a car alarm goes off. You barely hear it. You’re still 

_ spiralling, _

your mind moving one-hundred miles an hour from one topic to the next. You run a hand through your hair, anxiety creeping its way through your fingers and back into your brain. 

You crack your knuckles. You touch your face. 

_ Spiralling  _

out of control. 

You don’t feel like you were ever in control. 

What even is control? It is something so far out of your reach that you can hardly even remember the definition. You’re too busy

_ spiralling _

to remember.

This is the part that you hate the most. The in-between time, the time where nobody is home and you have nothing to do. This is the thing you fear, the thing you dread. Because it feels like nothing you do will ever be enough to satisfy the monster inside your chest, the one that’s clawing at your heart and tearing at your lungs and forcing you to  _ spiral  _ closer and closer to the edge of insanity. 

You could go for a walk. 

You could go for a drive.

But will it be enough? Will it be enough to stop the

_ spiralling? _

You don’t know. You don’t know. 

Your legs buzz with energy, like there are bees pent up inside of them. You want to swat the bees away! You want to shove at them until they leave you alone for good, but you can’t, because you’re afraid that you’ll get stung. So you let them buzz, while you  _ spiral  _ and  _ spiral  _ and  _ spiral _ down, down, down into a deeper, deeper, deeper hole. 

You scratch an itch. You shift your weight. 

You take a deep breath that feels like retribution, like night giving way to the dawn! But the clouds easily roll in to cover the sun, leaving you right back in the dark. 

Your chest hurts. You think about clawing your way inside, to find the monster in your ribcage and tear him out. 

You are breathing and living and 

_ spiralling  _

still, locked up inside your own head. There is no monster in your ribcage. There are no bees in your legs. There is only you. 

You feel like you are going to explode. 

You take another breath. In, out. In, out. It doesn’t even begin to help. You’re too far gone, 

_ spiralling,  _

for something as simple as a breath to help you now. 

When you sit up because it’s something to do, you rock back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It feels… not good, but not bad, either, so you keep going as you try to organise the thoughts in your head. Back and forth, back and forth. There is no monster in your ribcage. There are no bees in your legs. There is only you. 

There is only you. 

And you

are

_ spiralling.  _

**Author's Note:**

> If u got this far congrats you have successfully made it through one of my anxiety attacks and I salute u for it
> 
> Come scream at me on tumblr @deathishauntedbyhumans


End file.
